In October 2014, my photo went before John of God in Brazil* with 3 requests, one of which asked that I be 100% Spirit-Led.
By this time exactly in November of last year, I had just begun taking the blessed herbs that would support the integration of this request.
Immediately, health issues began. My romantic relationship began to show glaringly obvious signs of misalignment. I “knew” the truth of what needed to change on many levels but some part of my mind would not fully accept it or surrender. Maybe if I did this special diet for my health or had 3 sessions a week or tried more meditation, maybe if we went to more therapy or I practiced the Law of Attraction more fully on the relationship – maybe then it would all change to be exactly the way I wanted it to be.
Except, I was avoiding the one truth I knew all to well – there’s no messing with your Destiny baby. There’s no messing with Divine Timing. You can’t Law of Attraction your way out of your path. You can’t energy medicine your way out of what your body demands you go through. You cannot control the uncontrollable.
And btws, it is all uncontrollable.
By uncontrollable I mean – there is not a damn thing you can do to make something/someone you want to have happen, happen if it is not in your Highest Good. There is not a damn thing you can do to make something/someone go away that is meant to be felt and uncovered and experienced by you.
And by all, I mean everything except your reactions, behaviors and most of your actions. Those are the only things you are truly ever in control of. Most of the time. I say most of the time because there are some actions we can’t understand why we took them – in my case, why I wrote that I wanted to be 100% Spirit-led – because Spirit is actually strongly nudging us to take that necessary action.
And because you are in control of your reactions, behaviors and most of your actions – there are myriads of aligned things you can be/do to make whatever life experience you are in more abundant, more joyful, more love-filled, more in-flow, more at peace. But you cannot change or control the outcomes to your specifications. And this is a very good thing because your specifications suck. I’m sorry to say it, but someone had to. You really don’t know what the best outcome for you is. You might have a taste of it, a hint of it, but you don’t actually know how incredible your life is truly meant to be. So stop trying to micro-manage it.
In more eloquent terms, what I’m trying to say here is that what your (and my) Higher Self and Spirit Team have in store for you (and me) is so much better than what you (and I) can dream up. Thankfully.
But trust me, I know this line of thought hardly suffices in the midst of wanting so badly something to be other than it is.
I wanted so badly for things to be different last year. I wanted to be an even “bigger” success in my business. I wanted to want what the people around me were telling me was “next” for me – speaking on bigger stages, being on TV, hitting 7-figures and beyond. I wanted to have the most beautiful, intimate and amazing wedding ever. I wanted the man I loved at that time to be the Love of my Life. I wanted my body to cooperate with all of this along with seeing 20-30 clients a week and large group sessions and classes and retreats and social events.
But no amount of my wanting was going to make what was so necessary for me to experience not occur. There was no changing what the larger part of me had set into motion with that request to be 100% Spirit-led.
And so on 1/22/2015, Spirit did for me what I could not. Brought to my knees, I could no longer fight for what I knew was my Destiny, my path, what I must go through and evolve into and be and become.
I often questioned – why in the hell would I write down a request to be 100% Spirit-Led? Why would I do that to myself? Who is the person who does that?
Who I really am, the core of me, the Source Self me – she wrote that request. She knew the health “stuff” was a huge detoxing and awakening, she knew the wedding could not take place and the engagement had to end so that I could become who I really am (and only becoming more of every day).
It was only then that I could be and was reborn.
Reborn to my deepest, most tender, most vulnerable heart.
Reborn to the Soul of me.
Reborn to the core of me.
No longer the “dream” of a certain kind of success (that looks like what she or he or they are having).
Not the dream of a marriage that looks like ______.
Not the dream of how my life is meant to unfold.
But rather, the core of what matters most to my Higher Self, to the true me, to the woman that I am here to be:
Laughter. And a lot of it.
Deep connection with self. With Source. With those I love and with those I don’t love.
I finally “got” it. And I’m sure I’ll be “getting” it even more as I evolve. But this is so gigantically huge for me I am marinating in its luxuriousness as much as I possibly can.
I’ve been reborn to what truly matters, realizing that the momentum of my “former” life, of my life last year in particular, was like a fun and scary roller-coaster – but even so it was not the best I can or could be.
Today, now a year – almost to the day – since I began taking the blessed herbs infused with my requests (which had also included the request for my wedding to go smoothly and my book The Quest to become a bestseller – remember that if we make requests that are not in our Highest Good, we will find out soon enough what the true truth is!) – I am a woman I fall more in love with every day.
What matters most now is following Spirit fully – being in service to Spirit, in service to my path and in service to those I am here to serve in the Highest Light.
What matters now is letting peace and home and family (the healthy, Soulful kind) and community and connection to be my most valued experiences.
It’s about following all of the signs that are everywhere, all of the time. It’s about following the nudges to go here or there. It’s about paying attention to the songs “randomly” popping into my head or the snippets of conversation from others around me that make their presence known to me. It’s about following the chills and the Soul tears.
What matters most now is having a Rich life in every sense of the word. Feeling rich. Enjoying the luxury of all that is around me. Being connected to my Highest Path and settling not for one minute on anything other than the Divine – that’s what fills me up. That’s what matters.
It’s not a matter of “finding” my husband or partner anymore. It’s about allowing the Love of my Life into my life experience at the Divinely aligned time that he/she is meant to arrive (I do not assume that my personality knows the gender of my Beloved either – all is surrendered to my Highest Path.)
It’s not a matter of making 7,8,9-figures – it’s about having the most joyful, flexible, ecstatic ways available to share my gifts that are beyond my wildest dreams (thus far – Spirit is knocking this out of the park!).
It’s not a matter of going everywhere and doing everything. It’s about tuning in to the frequency of people and events and experiences that will nourish and delight and expand me.
It’s not a matter of finding what will make me happy. It’s about being happy – not because everything is going my way but because I’m ALIVE and experiencing life and that is more than enough!
It’s not a matter of looking perfect and having the perfect skin, face and body. It’s about feeling a respect and honoring of my life’s journey and the body and face and skin I inhabit and get to travel in, in this lifetime.
It’s not a matter of finding the perfect home or the perfect homestead property. It’s about lining up my energy so that my Divinely aligned home/property comes into my life experience with ease.
This is truly living to me.
I’m calling it Spirit-led 11.0. A new paradigm of untold proportions is here for those of us called to this path.
And I am here. And I am in service to this path. And I am more joy-filled and more at peace than I have ever been.
Who.Knew. It defies all of my former logic.
But apparently, I did. I knew. And I am oh-so-grateful.
*I have not kept track of how many times I have received “healing” from John of God – but it has been consistently 1-2x’s a year for close to 8 years now.